Haunted
by CrazyMuggleborn44
Summary: There is a fine line between being a good friend and stalking. Hermione crosses that line as one of her best friends becomes involved with one of her school enemies. At the end of the year will everyone survive? CURRENTLY DISCONTINUED
1. Not Who I Thought He Was

**A/N: This is based off a YouTube video I saw by the same name. Here is the link:** **http:/ww[dot]youtube[dot]com[slash]watch?v=AeJBLujX4uU**** (of course replace the dots and slashes with the actual mark )**

**If you want to get a feel for where I am going with this please watch! Thanks so much. **

**This takes place in a A/U 6****th**** year so none of the events I am writing about happened in the actual books.**

**Disclaimers: I do NOT own the rights to the entire Harry Potter world, even though I wish I did! All rights go 2 J.K Rowling, and Warner Bros. **

**I do not own the rights to the song Haunted. **

**And I do not own the **_**idea **_**of this FF, that would be kellygirl2002. All rights to this idea go to **_**her**_** not me!**

**This is a slash story, is you do not like, don't read! Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF(swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, smoking, more swearing, ect)…so if you don't like don't read, after all this **_**is**_** rated T****.**

**Final Note: This story will switch PoV's from time to time, and I will post at the beginning of each chapter whose PoV it will be from, k?**

Chapter One: Not Who I Thought He Was

**Draco's PoV**

Beep beep! Beep beep! Beeep beeeeeppp!

_Fuck…time to get up. _

I groan and roll out of bed. My alarm clock reads 5:30 am.

_Ugh…time to go back to Hogwarts. I don't know _why_ mother is making me go back…it's not like I need to all things considering. _

My arm moves to pull of the covers only to find that once again they are on the floor.

_Damn nightmares, they are going to kill me one day I swear._

Sighing I get out of bed. Outside it is still very dark out, even for 5:30.

"Lumos," I whisper and my wand lights up, allowing me to see where I am walking. Across from my bed is the door leading to my large bathroom. I walk in there and say "Lumos Maxima." The light leaves the tip of my wand and hovers on the ceiling, illuminating the whole bathroom. "Aquamenti temprate," I whisper and point my wand at the shower head which immediately starts pouring water. As I wait for the water to heat up I take a look in the mirror. Disheveled white-blonde hair falls in strands across my clammy forehead. My grey eyes peer out from under dark bags. Slytherin House pajama pants hang low on my hips, almost too low. A soft knock at the door startles me out of my trancelike state.

"Draco?" She asks. It is the first time I have heard her voice since _he _was chucked in _there_.

"Yes, mother?" I drawl, sounding calmer than I actually am.

"Its your father." She pauses.

_Him? What could he want? Haven't I done enough for him? Or is there more? Does he want me to rescue him single handedly from _Azkaban_?_

"What about him?"

"He is on the Floo."

"I don't want to talk to him."

"Please go talk to him, he is truly sorry,"

"That's bullshit,"

"Draco!"

"Well its true. If he really was sorry he wouldn't have done it in the first place." I snap

"Draco please, you must understand the situation you Father and I were in. If you need someone to blame, blame me." She pleads one last time.

'Go, just go. Tell him I left for school already or something. I don't care, just don't tell him the truth." The click of my door tells me that she's given up on me, for now.

_I shouldn't treat her like that. She cares about me. I haven't been a very good song to her lately, moping here in my room being the son-of-a-bitch that I am._

I slip my pants off my hips and step into the steaming hot water. As it pours over my face and down my body I close my eyes and I am taken back to that day, the day that my fate was decided.

_He's staring at me with those dead, glittering eyes almost exactly like mine except blue, ones that I can't bear to meet._

"_Draco?" it was a command, not a question._

"_Father," It is all I can do to keep my voice from shaking. He crosses the almost barren drawing room. The click, click, click, of his shoes echoes through the whole room. Another man, no, not man, something else, something more snake than man, takes Father's place at the doorway. A smile-like sneer is on his lips._

"_Draco come here boy let me take a look at you..." His voice is clear and high, almost a snakes hiss. I glance over at Father who just nods. Shaking slightly I walk towards the snake-man. _

"_Son, this is the Dark Lord. When the time comes you will serve him,"_

"_Like you right?" I say, my voice is stronger now._

"_Yes," I turn my attention to the Dark Lord._

"_Dark Lord, when will I be able to join you? When can I be like Father and you? When can I help rid the world of mudbloods and the filth of our world?"_

"_Soon enough, Draco, soon enough." He laughs softly, but it is really more like a soft hiss…_

A shower long shower and an hour later I am sitting in the passenger seat of the ministry car that used to be Fathers. Mother is at the wheel, her knuckles white against the black leather of the wheel. When we arrive at Kings Cross I pull out my trunk and set it on the ground, on top of it I place the cage of my eagle owl, Aberlardus.

"Goodbye Mother." I say as we reach the barrier that separates the rest of King's Cross from Platform 9 and ¾.

"Goodbye Draco. You're coming home during the Holidays this year aren't you?"

"If nothing comes up."

"Good. See you then."  
"Right, bye." I start to push my way through the barrier. Just before I leave King's Cross I hear "Oh and Draco, I love you with all my heart." That is enough to make me break down, but instead I shake my head slightly and put on a brave face. Heads turn wherever I walk, I can tell they are staring at me. Whispers stop when I enter a compartment and start up again hurriedly when I leave it. When I find a compartment that is practically empty I set my trunk down and sit. The train starts soon after and its gentle movement lulls me into a nightmare ridden sleep.

**At Hogwarts:**

When I step off the train and onto the Hogwarts platform I immediately see Potter and his friends. My heart pounds slightly harder at the sight of him.

_Potter. His stupid friends and him strut around like they own the place. Who do they think they are?_

After the carriage ride to the castle the Feast starts. The stares and whispers have started again, only worse. It is all I can do to stay through the whole meal. As soon as Dumbledore dismisses us I bolt out of the Great Hall. I intend to go straight to my Prefects Dorm and break down there, but I barley make it to the bathrooms at the end of the 2nd floor hallway. I dart into the bathrooms and lock myself in one of the stalls. Sobs rack my body and I let the tears stream, hot and fast, down my face. After what seems like hours I realize that there is someone else in the bathroom, just on the other side of my stall door.

"Wh-who's there?" M voice cracks when I ask.

"Draco?" I know that voice, it's one that I have loathed since the first day of my first year. I unlock the stall door and walk out, coming face to face with Harry Potter.

"Potter, what are you doing here? Don't you know it's not nice to spy on people? Especially in the bathroom." I attempt a sneer, but it comes out more like a snivel.

"I-I wasn't spying. I heard someone crying and I-"

"I wasn't crying!" I shout. My voice cracks, proving me wrong and Potter right. Instead of laughing or walking out of the bathroom he does something totally unexpected, he walks over to me.

"What are you doing?" I ask as I pull away when his hand reaches out to touch me.

"What does it look like? I'm helping you of course." He says like it's the most natural thing in the world for him to help me. His hand reaches out and brushes some of the hair that has stuck to my sweaty forehead. I shiver unintentionally, the place where he touched me tingles and my heart pounds. Potter is so close to me that I can feel the heat radiating off his body and feel his breath caressing my cheek.

_What is this feeling? I've never felt like this before…not about anyone, especially Potter. _

His hands move about my face and hair, trying to return me to my natural state I guess. When he is done I look better but not totally normal, my face is still blotchy in spots and I can see faint tear tracks running down my cheeks.

"Um…." I say, not knowing what else I should say.

"Uh, yeah…" He looks up at me, his eyes meeting mine and I start to heat up under his intense stare, even though he is a good six inches shorter than me, his presence still fills the room.

"Well, uh-thanks for ya know, helping me."

"Yeah, no problem…" He looks down at his feet.

"Could you do me a favor and no mention it to anyone? I've been getting enough stares in the past 6 hours than I need so I don't want anymore…"

"Oh, yeah, sure. I wasn't planning on telling anyone anyway." He smiles and gives a small chuckle.

"Thanks, so uh-see you 'round Potter." I say and walk out.

_Wow, that was the first time me and him have been civil to each other…ever. He isn't the stuck up prat I thought he was. Of course he isn't a lot of things…_

I wander around the castle until I'm almost too tired to walk. Eventually I find my way back to my Prefects dorm and flop on the bed. My eyes close and the next thing I know I'm asleep.

A knock on the door wakes me up too early for my liking. "Houras," I whisper and check the time.

"Draco darling are you in there?" An all-to-familiar voice calls through the wooden doors. I sigh and hope she doesn't hear me.

"Draco I know you're in there so open the damn door before I curse it off." A different voice says. I know he is serious so I get up and walk to the door and open it. Standing before me are two of my best friends, Pansy and Blaise. Pansy was my girlfriend a while back and she still is in love with me, I don't know _why_ all things considering. Blaise is my partner-in-crime and the one I tell everything to.

"What do you want?" I snarl, totally pissed off. The cold air hits my bare chest and makes me shiver slightly.

_What do they want? It's like 8 in the morning on a freaking Saturday! What could they possibly need to tell me at this early in the morning?_

Instead of answering my question Blaise pushes past me and Pansy follows him. He starts going through my stuff, looking for something, but I'm not sure what. I haven't bothered to unpack anything so it is kind of hard to find something in the mess.

"Blaise what the fuck are you doing?"

"Trying to find a clue to where the fuck you went off to yesterday after the Feast."

"Yeah, we were looking for you but we couldn't find you! There was a party in the common room and no one had seen you." Pansy chimes in. She is hanging onto my bare arm. I pull away from her and cross the room to sit on my bed.

"I wasn't at the party; I didn't even get to the dorms until like three in the morning."

"Why?"

"I had…stuff."

"Ooooh, were you meeting someone? Is she pretty? What house is she in?"

"Shut up Pansy. We both know he wasn't meeting a girl," Blaise sneers. Ever since I told him and Pansy my secret he uses it against me whenever he has the chance. I don't even know why he's still my best mate, but he is, so I just put up with that shit.

"No, I wasn't, I wasn't meeting anyone. I just took a walk around the castle, nothing interesting."

_Part of the truth isn't a lie is it?_

"Oh sure…." He says doubtfully.

"Blaise don't be such a prat, if Drake says he was just taking a walk then he was just taking a walk." Pansy says, sticking up for me. She always knows how to get someone, especially Blaise, off my back about something.

"Whatever. The reason we really came here was to ask you if the rumors are true."

_Of course, the rumors. Even my best friends want to know about them… I might as well tell someone the truth._

"Please Draco, we just want to help." Pansy says softly as she sits next to me on the bed. I open my mouth and start to speak about what happened over the summer, starting at the beginning. By the end of my account on what happened my breath is shallow and my eyes burn with the tears that I know are soon to come.

"Oh Draco, I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was that horrible. We all thought you wanted it, the way you talked about it last year…" her voice trails off.

"Yeah, I thought I wanted it to…but now I don't. Now it's something that I have come to loathe. I can't believe I let him talk me into joining _them_. I don't belong there; I'm not one of them even if I have it." My voice shakes with anger and spite.

"Holy shit mate…" is all Blaise says. I'm not surprised; he's not very good at empathizing with people.

We sit there in silence for a while, when they finally leave its long after breakfast so I just curl back under the warm covers and fall back to sleep.

**Two Months Later:**

Things haven't gotten better, in fact they have gotten worse if that's even possible. Everyone stares at me and sometimes it's all I can do to not run out of the classroom. It doesn't help that Potter is in most of my classes. Since the first day of term he's been really nice to me, like we are friends or something. It's not like I mind or anything, its just that it's annoying and I don't understand why he wont just leave me alone. But it is nice to know that there is one person, besides Pansy and Blaise, who doesn't think I'm a total freak. Back to the whole things-aren't-better-they-are-worse thing, the only thing that keeps me from completely falling apart is cutting. The cuts aren't big or deep or anything, just large enough to let a little blood out. Whenever things start to get back I just take the tip of my wand, and transform it into a blade. Instead of using magic to heal them back up I let them heal on their own, the pain of the scabs ripping open is nice. Pansy and Blaise think I'm suicidal, but I'm not, cutting myself is just a way to let some of my pain out…Anyway I'm sitting in potions right now trying not to scream. Snape is starting to act like he's my father and he tells me that he's concerned about me…that's bullshit.

"Psst, Draco." Pansy whispers from the table behind me.

"What?" I ask irritated, I'm trying to focus on what Slughorn is saying, but failing miserably.

"Stop staring at Potters head, its really weird."

"What are you talking about I am _N__ot_ Staring At his head." I attempt at a very weak lie.

"That's bull, Drake, and we both know it."

"Shutup okay?" I say defensively.

"Ohmahgawd!" She practically shrieks. Heads turn and look at her. "Uh, I saw a spider!" She says quickly and the heads turn back around.

"What was it really?" I ask, knowing full on that the spiders was a cover-up.

"You fancy him don't you?"

_Damn her. She knows me too well. And if she knows this who else does?_

"No, I don't." I hope that she believes me.

"You are just full of it today aren't you?"

"So what if I do? Do you have a problem with that? Are you jealous?" I sneer.

"No I do not have a problem with it. But other people might! Including Blaise."

"I don't give a damn what Blaise and all the others think."

"Well that's good I suppose. But what about Harry? Is he even, ya know, like you?"

"I don't know. But that doesn't mean I cant like him, does it?"

"No…but I just don't want you to get hurt." Just then the bell rings and I start to gather up all my books and supplies. I look up to find bright green eyes staring at me.

"Uh-hey," He says.

"Hey," I say back, still picking up my books.

"I was just wondering if you want to go to Hogsmade with me this Saturday?"

_Is he asking me out? Or just being friendly? _

"With who?"

"I dunno, "Mione and Ron are staying at the castle, but I need to get out of here for a while….so I just thought I could invited you…" His voice trails off and his face turns slightly red.

_What the hell? Has this world gone mad?_

"I-well, um, erm," I stutter.

"Never mind, I should've known you wouldn't want to go…" Harry turns and starts to walk out of the door.

"Potter wait!" I call after him. He turns around.

"It would be nice to get away from here for a while."

"Okay, so um, meet you at the front doors at like eleven?" He asks, as a grin spreads across his face.

"Sounds good." I smile back and my heart flutters.

_God I am _such_ a Hufflepuff._

**So? What do you think? This took a really long time for me to write this! So I hope you like it =)**

**Please R&R**

**Peace, Love, Drarry**

**CrazyMuggleborn44**

**P.S I just wanted to let anyone who reads this know that I am senpaizukkalover44 but i changed my penname,just wanted to let you know that! =) Also I dunno if any of you got confused on who's the potions master, that would be Slughorn. Snape is the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, just like in HBP **


	2. In which there are

**A/N So This is chapter two, still no comments but that's okay, we'll get there =) anyway a few notes:**

**I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean **_**everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and basically anything else you can think of.**

**This is a slash story, is you do not like, don't read! Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF(swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, smoking, more swearing, etc)…so if you don't like don't read, after all this **_**is**_** rated T**

**Also thanks so much to my amazing beta, secretlyinslytherin =D Thanks so much for fixing my dot-happiness! **

Chapter Two: In which there are tears shed, kisses shared, butterbeer is being drunk and

Ron almost kills Harry trying to wake him up.

**Harry's PoV**

"Harry, Harry, Haarrryyy!" blinking I see the face of my best mate, Ron. He is sitting on my chest.

"Ron, get off me! I can't breathe!" I gasp. Ron is my best mate and all but sometimes he can be a bit thick.

"Oh right! Sorry, I was just trying to get you to wake up." he pushes off my chest, using my face.

"Uh-owww!" I roll my eyes. From the light shining around the room I think it's about ten or ten thirty.

"Sorry again," he apologizes. "I just wanted to let you know that Hermione and I are going to the library to cram for the potions test on Tuesday."

"Okay, thanks for letting me know." Pulling myself out of bed I say. My robes from yesterday are still on the floor; I pick them up and set them on my unmade bed. Ron crosses the room and exits, leaving me alone.

_Bah, I need to find some clothes to wear, it's almost time for me to go down to the main entrance and meet Malfoy. _

I pull open my trunk and start digging through the piles of muggle clothes. I choose a black, tight-fit tee and a pair of jeans. As I'm walking out of the room I grab my sweatshirt and pull it on.

"Houras," I check the time, 10:40.

_Shit! I am going to be late. _

I race down the steps to the common room and out of the portrait hole. When I finally arrive at the front doors I'm gasping for air. The clock rings eleven o'clock and Malfoy steps out from the shadows.

_How long has he been there?_

"Hey," he says looking at his feet.

"Hey," We stand there for a minute, me staring at him staring at his feet.

_This is awkward…. Maybe I shouldn't have invited him._

"Uh-I guess we better go?" he asks, looking up at me.

"Oh, yeah." I laugh nervously and that seems to lighten the mood.

As we walk out of the castle together and head down to Hogsmead I can feel the stares radiating from the other people on the path. Whispers reach my ears.

"Is that Potter? With Malfoy?"

"Yeah, ."

"Why? I thought they hated each other?"

"Maybe it's some sort of truce or something."

I turn to Malfoy and look at him. He's clenching his fists and looks pissed.

"Fancy a drink?" I ask, trying to distract him from the other people.

"What?"

"Do you want to go down to the Three Broomsticks and get a drink?"

"Oh, yeah, but can we go to the Hog's Head instead?"

"Sure."

We walk in silence down the path to the Hog's Head. We walk into the practically empty bar, order two butterbeers and sit at a booth in the back of the room. The pregnant silence is broken by clanking of bottles hitting the table. I zone out, staring at a blemish in the wood above his head.

"Harry?" his voice pulls me out of my trance.

"Hm?"

"Can I tell you something, something that I've only told two other people?"

_This world has gone mad and it's all my fault. What have I done? What would have happened to Malfoy if I had left him there, in the bathroom? Would we be here now? Would he be asking to tell me something? Probably not. Most likely I'd be in the Library with Ron and Hermione studying for Potions. He'd probably be with Pansy, snogging in a broom closet, but instead we are here, in the Hog's Head, and Draco is asking to tell me something that practically no one else knows._

"Yeah, sure. What do you want to tell me?"

"How can I explain it…? Hmm…have you heard the rumors going around about me?"

"Yeah, kind of, there are a lot so which ones are you talking about?"

"The ones about me being a Deatheater.," he shudders at that last word.

_Why would he shudder at Deatheater? I thought he _wanted_ to be one._

"Oh, yeah, those. What about them?"

"Do you believe them?"

"I dunno."

"Well, you should. I'm not good anymore, I don't even know if I ever was good. You have to believe me, I didn't ask for this. I don't want it, at one point I guess I did, but now that I have it, I don't want it. I would do _anything_ to get rid of this…this, blotch that takes up room on my arm."

I look up from my almost empty bottle to see that his blue-grey eyes are spilling over with tears.

_What the hell? This is a dream right? Draco Malfoy doesn't cry, at least not in front of me._

"Oh. Listen, Malfoy, I appreciate that you trust me and everything…but shouldn't you tell one of your Slytherin friends? Or someone who is more, um, like you? They would be more understanding. Don't you think?"

"Ha, more understanding my ass, when I told Pansy and Blaise they gave me a nice 'oh I'm so sorry is there anything we can do to help?' and then left me alone. I thought you of all people would understand get branded with something you didn't ask for, something you never wanted. You know, being Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, or The Chosen One or whatever pet name they have for you now." some of the bitterness and spite was back in his voice but tears were still falling down his face.

I feel really bad for him. I really do, but I've never been good with showing my emotions with words. I slide out of my seat and into his. I don't know whyI do this. I put my arm around his shoulders. He stiffens for a moment and then slumps onto my chest. My heart beats faster as I wrap my arms around him in a loose embrace. I have no control over my actions, ; everything I'm doing isn't by choice. I'm just doing it.

_Either he's gone crazy; I've gone crazy, or the worlds gone mad. Have we both gone insane? Why is this happening? This isn't right,; I shouldn't be feeling this for him. This is just some sort of crisis right? I'm imagining things._

Thoughts race across my mind as fast as my heartbeat. Several minutes pass with just the heavy breathing of Malfoy as the soundtrack.

"Harry?"  
_Wait what? Since when am I Harry and not Potter? Not that I mind being Harry…. _

"Yes, Draco?"

"Sorry, ."

"For what? You haven't done anything, have you?"  
"I dumped all this on you and for all I know you still hate me."

"Hate you? I've never hated you." he scoffs at that. "What's so funny?"

"You. Don't. Hate me?" he laughs like that is the funniest thing ever.

"Nope, not even for a minute. How is that so hard to believe?"

"Well I always thought you did cause of the way you were such a prat to me."

"I never said I liked you, did I?"

"Erm, no." he bites his lip.

_This is a side of him I've never seen ,it's almost…cute, especially when he bites his lip like that. What? Who said that?_

"Exactly, I didn't like you but I never hated you. Got it?"

"Uh-yeah." The tears have stopped falling but he is still tangled up in me. I feel my face heat up at this realization.

"Have I made you nervous, Potter?" he asks, I would like to think he is flirting.

"Uh-no of course not."

"If you say so…." he teases.

I try to focus on something besides his heart beating against my chest and the way his head is rested in the crook of my neck. I've never been this close to him before. At this distance I see every blemish and freckle. Then I notice them, the bruises. Some are darker and some are lighter, but all of them are in a shape of a fist. Most of them are scattered around his left eye and cheek. Before I realize what I'm doing I start to trace the outline of the bruises on his cheek.

_If what he says about being a Death Eater is true, then could this be Voldemort's work? I wouldn't be surprised. But what did Malfoy do to deserve such a beating? _

"What are you doing?" he asks

"Oh, sorry, I couldn't help it…I just saw the bruises and I-" I'm cut off unexpectedly by a mouth pressed on mine.

His lips move harshly, like he's trying to find something. My eyes are wide open with surprise.

"Hmm…" I try to say something but it comes out more like a groan.

Malfoy takes it as a groan of passion and he kisses me fiercely…eventually I give up and kiss back. Every reasonable part of my brain screams in protest yet the unreasonable part shuts out all sense of reason. The kiss only lasts a few seconds but it seems like hours. I pull away first and look into his eyes.

"Did we just…?"

"Only if you think we did,"

"No, we couldn't have…" I shake my head, trying to get rid of those last lingering feelings.

"Then what was that?"

"I don't know. Can we call it a truce?" I suggest.

"Truce it is, but before we go back can I try something?"

"Sure."

Before I know what happening his lips are back on mine, this time the kiss is sweet and gentle. The passion builds up between us, but still the kiss is tender. Right before Draco pulls away he runs his tongue along my lips; I open my mouth, letting him in. But he just pulls away and gives me a flirtatious grin.

"Do you want that to be part of the truce too?" I ask, longing for more, but I know not to push my luck, especially with someone like Malfoy.

"Of course, let's keep this truce our little secret, okay?" he winks and walks out of the pub.

**So, what do you think? Have I done the start of the Drarry couple justice? **

**Please R&R, comment and critique is always appreciated!**

**And if you celebrate it, Happy Christmas! **

**Peace, Love, Darry**

**Crazymuggleborn25 ;)**


	3. Sleepless Nights and DreamRidden Days

**I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean **_**everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and basically anything else you can think of.**

**This is a slash story, is you do not like, don't read! Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF(swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, smoking, more swearing, ect)…so if you don't like don't read, after all this **_**is**_** rated T**

**Thanks so much to the reviews by sacha k and xXxWiseGirlxXx! It was really appreciated! **

**Also thank you to my marvelous beta, secretlyinslytherin! You are so freaking amazing!**

Chapter Three: Sleepless Nights and Dream-Ridden Days

**Dracos PoV**

**Two Weeks Later:**

When I think back on that day I can feel his lips on mine. Every time I look at him I taste butterbeer and cinnamon. Lying in my four-poster bed shirtless, its two am, . I can't sleep. Each time I close my eye I see him, the way he looked after I kissed him and then walked out, or how he felt against my body. I toss and turn for another hour and eventually leave the room to take a walk around the castle. As I walk up the steps to get to the dungeons I pull on a t-shirt that I found on the floor in my room.

_How could this have happened? One day I'm a perfectly normal teenager going about minding my own business and now all of a sudden I'm anything but normal. Sure, to others I may seem normal but they don't know the truth. How long can I hide who I really am? One secret isn't hard to hide, two is still pretty easy, but three…that is going to be a challenge. Pansy doesn't even know the _whole_ truth…no one knows the whole truth. Pansy and Blaise know parts, and so does Harry, but unless I'm forgetting that I told them something they don't know the half of it. Shit, what time is it? I shouldn't be wandering around the schools this late; if one of the teachers catch me I'm screwed. _

I turn a corner and run into someone.

"Shit man! Watch where you're going! Are you fucking blind or something?" I whisper-shout. My heart is pounding so loud I'm surprised half the castle isn't awaken by it

"You watch it, Malfoy." the Someone says, except now I know it's not a someone, its _him_.

_You're fucking kidding me right? He is the _last_ person I want to see right now. _

"Harry?"

"No, it's the Grey Lady, yeah it's me you dip-shit." he grumbles.

"Shut up." I snarl.

"What happened to the Malfoy from a couple weeks ago? Did you eat him?" he asks.

_No, no not right now. _Why_ did he have to bring that up? I just want to forget that ever happened! I was stupid and horny. I couldn't help it, it's not my fault! Can he not see that? _

"What happened to the truce? Did you eat that?" I retort.

We go on like this for almost five minutes. It brings me back to the days before emotions started getting in the way. Back to the time where we fought with each other at every chance we got but, now it's different, the fighting and insults seem more forced, they don't have the affect they used to. Maybe it's because of the Hogsmead trip, or maybe it's because of something else. I think it is the trip though. Finally we stop sending insults at each other and stand there in awkward silence. Just as I am about to head back to the dungeons he says something.

"Draco, I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of that. I just…I don't know. There's um, stuff, going on right now and…I dunno, I really am sorry." he looks down at his feet.

_He looks like a child who just got caught stealing candy. _

"Its okay, I think we can agree that we both said things that we didn't mean. What are you doing out so late?"

"I needed some air, I couldn't sleep. What about you?"

"Same, ha-ha. I haven't been able to sleep lately. I guess I should be homework or something else more productive but I think taking a walk is more entertaining."

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"No, but don't expect me to talk much or anything. This is one of the only times I can collect my thoughts in peace." I start walking down the corridor in silence.

_Okay, so I'm walking down the hallway…with Harry Potter. This is so awkward. I should say something. But what do I say? I can't mention the Hogs Head, no definitely not, that would make things even more awkward. I guess I can just wait until he says something; he's bound to speak eventually. During the day he never shuts up, so yeah, he's _got_ to say something._

**One Hour Later:**

_Okay, so it's still an awkward silence. What do I do? Um, I could talk about, school? Eh, that's lame, but there is nothing else to talk about. Whatever, just go back to 'Not Thinking About Harry Potter.' _

We walk up to the towers. The full moon is shining brightly through the windows, lacing the corridor with shadows and moonlight. The footsteps beside me stop suddenly.

"Draco?"

"What?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Um, Potions?"

"Potions?"

"Yeah, potions, I'm kind of doing really dreadful."

"How? You are like, a potions genius, don't tell her I said this but you are better than Hermione."

I scoff at that remark.

_Me? Better than Granger? As if. Not that I would admit that to anyone besides myself. _

"No, I'm not better at it than Granger. I was only doing fine when Snape was potions master, but now with Slughorn I'm almost failing." I say miserably.

_Well, it _is_ the truth…._

"Oh, well I could help you, you know."

"Really?" my voice is full of hope.

"Yeah! I'm doing really well this term."

"Are you sure…? Cause you don't have to if you want to."

"No, I want to." Harry says, almost _too_ willingly.

"Thanks so much." I give him a tentative smile.

"No problem. Do you want to start now?" he asks.

_Now? What? Now?_

"Uh-yeah sure. But what are we going to do now?"

"I'm going to give you words that we are supposed to know and quiz you on them."

"That's a good idea."

_Now I know why everyone gushes about Harry Potter. He really is as kind and caring as everyone says he is. But why is he being so nice to me? If I was him I wouldn't be nice to me. This is nice though, just walking around with Harry. _

For the next hour and a half he quizzes me over every possible word that we would ever need to know. I get most of them wrong.

_Way to impress, he must think I'm totally stupid. In truth I am, aren't I? _

We finally part ways at around 5:45 in the morning.

"So, you excited for later?"

"Uh…"

"Quidditch match," he explained.

"Wah-oh yeah! I'm going to need some sleep unless I want to fall off my broom."

"Yeah, me too."

Heading to the nearest downward staircase I say, "See you, ."

"Yeah, see you," he calls back, his lips twitch into a small smile that makes my heart melt into a puddle.

_Why do I have to be _such_ a Hufflepuff?_

**After The Game:**

"Go, go, Gryffindor! Go, go, Gryffindor! Go, go, Gryffindor!" the cheer rings through the locker-room.

They won, 700 to 350, over an hour ago and people are still cheering. I am the only one left in the room. Still fully-dressed I just sit on one of the benches, sweaty and tired.

_I need a shower, but I'm too tired to get up and take one. I'll just close my eyes for a few seconds…just a quick little rest and then I'm going to get up and shower._

I close my eyes for just a second.

_My mouth moves against another person. His lips are soft and taste familiar and his back is up against a wall. My fingers twist in his hair. His mouth opens and I can feel his sweet breath on my tongue. I open my eyes and pull away, seeing for the first time who I've been snogging…Harry._

"_Draco, don't stop," he whispers. I look down and pull him into another deep kiss. I don't know _where_ we are and I don't care, all that matters is that he is here, and he wants me. His arm snakes around my waist, pulling me closer to him. A soft moan escapes my lips. I smile slightly which breaks the kiss for the second time. Harry kisses the corner of my mouth and makes his way down my neck stopping at my collarbone. He moves to my shirt, unbuttoning the top button, then the next and the next, with this mouth. I stop him and bring his face back up to mine. Our lips meet and once again I am surrounded by the taste, the smell, the feeling of Harry. I don't know how long we stay like that, but it feels like forever. He pulls away and reaches for my shirt. _

"_Draco, Draco," he repeats my name over. _

"Draco, Draco, Draco!"

I jolt awake.

"What? Who's there?" My eyes dart around the room, landing on Harry.

"You…you fell asleep, and I thought I ought to wake you," he says.

_I wish you hadn't._

"Oh, thanks. I guess I needed some more sleep huh?" I laugh weakly.

"Haha, yeah."

He stands there awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

_There sure seem to be a lot of awkward moments between us. Not that I'm surprised considering that we had been enemies since our first year._

"So, um…I got to, um, you know…take a shower." I hitch my thumb towards the showers.

"Oh- uh. Right."

He turns and walks out of the locker-room.

With a flick of my wand and a muttered incantation the shower water is ready. I pull off my robes and step into the steaming hot shower. The water washes away more than the sweat and grime of the match; it also washes away the last lingering feelings of my dream. For the first time in a few months I look at my left forearm. There it is black as it was the day it was burned into my flesh.

"AHHHH!" I shout.

Grabbing my razor I cut into my skin, trying to scrape it off, "Get it off! I don't want it! Get it OFF!" Sobs wrack my body and I shake with anger and hatred.

_Why can't I feel this? Am I so numb with anger that I can't even feel a razor sharp blade hacking away at my skin? I wish it did hurt, I want it to hurt. Why was I so eager to get this? It's nothing but a curse, everything that I hate about myself is in that. Get. It. Off! _

Scarlet splashes onto the marble floor. I drop the blade and it clatters to the ground. I shut the water off and step out of the shower. I conjure a bandage and tie a tourniquet around my arm so that I don't bleed out. Standing there naked in front of the mirror I realize how much I hate myself, from my knotted leg muscles to my shaggy blonde hair, everything about me reeks Malfoy, something don't want to be. I wrap a towel around my waist and open my locker, trying to find the clothes I came down to the pitch in. I find them piled up under the bench I fell asleep on. I put them on and walk back to the castle. Once I enter the castle I head right to my room, not looking or talking to anyone. I race down to the dungeons and into the Slytherin common room and into my dormitory. The king-sized bed is calling to me. I crawl into it and fall asleep. My dreams are laced with Harry Potter, potions, blood, and for some odd reason bathrooms.

**Was this chapter okay? I really like writing in Draco's PoV better…I think that's why these chapters come easier to me. Anyway! Please leave me questions, comments, opinions, predictions, etc in the comments section (or you can PM too)! =D**

**Peace, Love, Drarry**

**Crazymuggleborn44 **


	4. Changes of the Heart

**I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean**_** everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and potions, and basically anything else you can think of. This is a slash story, if you don't like, don't read! Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF ( swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, smoking, more swearing, etc)….so if you have a problem with any of the listed above then don't read it, after all this **_**is**_** rated T. **

Chapter Four: Changes of the Heart

**Harry's PoV**

**Tuesday, day of the Potions Exam**

Scanning the test I give a soft snort.

_This is so easy; it's just everything we have been working on for the past two months, nothing to freak out about._

"Harry, psst, Harry," Malfoy whispers from the table next to me.

"What?"

"Do you get any of this?"

Nodding my head I turn away, going back to my test.

_How many fly wings do you put in a Hair-Growth Potion?_

_What color does Felix Felicis turn when properly brewed?_

_Please write down steps five-nine for making a Drought of Living Death._

_When making a Befuddlement Potion how many quarter-turns to the right does it get before it is done?_

_For every strand of unicorn hair in Veritaserum how many beetle legs goes into the potion? _

The questions go on for another two pages. Looking behind me I see that Hermione has already started scribbling away. I ink my quill and start answering the questions. Even after my late start on the exam I am still one of the first people to turn it in. Snickers from the Slytherin's reach my ears when I pass their tables.

_Ha-ha, ever since Snape started teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts the Slytherin's have been failing potions. Slughorn doesn't play house favorites, so now I'm one of his favorites because I'm 'The Chosen One' and 'The Boy Who Lived' and all that shit. I wish people would just treat me like a normal person. Being a teenager is hard enough without being a wizard, and being a teenage wizard is hard enough without being 'The Chosen One'. I want to be Harry. Just Harry. Not Harry Potter 'The Boy Who Lived'. _

**After The Exam, Before Lunch**

"How do you think you did on the exam?" Hermione asks us.

"I dunno. I know I missed quite a few, but I'm not sure how many. I'm starving; we're going to lunch right?" Ron answers.

"Honestly, Ronald, do you only think about your stomach? Anyway Harry how did you think you did."

"Okay I suppose," before 'Moine gets a chance to say anything else someone calls my name from across the hallway.

"Harry!"

I turn to see Malfoy waving his arm, trying to flag me down. Ron shoots me a look that clearly says 'what the hell?' Shrugging I walk his direction.

"Hey, Malfoy, what's up?"

"I was just wondering, do you want to hang out with Blaise and me on Saturday?"

"Um, doesn't Blaise hate me?"

"No, he just doesn't know you, anyway do you want to come or not?"

"Yeah, sure."

As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I was going to regret agreeing to hang out with them. We walked the rest of the way to the Great Hall together, talking about everything but nothing at all.

"So, you and the Weaslette,huh?" He asks me.

_What is he talking about? How does he know about Ginny and I?_

"Ginny and I? No, we are just friends."  
"Really? Everyone seems to think that you two are an item now,"

_Should I tell him the truth? What about the Truce? Would that break it?_

"Well, it's not like we are serious or anything."

"So you're just shagging her then?"

"No! I never- Ginny and I haven't- I mean we just- she just- Gah!" blushing, I trip over my words while Malfoy watches me squirm.

"Calm down, Harry, no need to get your knickers in a twist," the corner of his lips twitch into a small grin, he is clearly pleased with his work.

"You just like to see me squirm, don't you?"

"Of course, what else are school enemies for?" he teases.

For the first time ever I see him smile. Grey-blue eyes sparkle with life and the corners of his mouth pull into a wide grin.

_No wonder girls throw themselves at him; with that smile he is really quite attractive. _

_What? I did NOT just think that. I can't be thinking Draco Malfoy is attractive! I have a girlfriend who loves me and I'm happy with her. Even though she's never kissed me like he did. Damn it! I promised myself I wouldn't think about that kiss again. _

My lips tingle when I think about how his lips felt on mine. He tasted of spearmint toothpaste and butterbeer.

"Ha-ha. Do you still want to meet in the Library after dinner?"

"'Course I do, I'm still failing potions you know."

"Oh, right. So I'll see you then."

"Yeah."

We part ways at the Great Hall, heading towards our separate House Tables.

While he's shoveling piles of food into his mouth Ron says something that sounds like, "Wah id alfo aan?"

"Nothing, just wanted to talk."

Piling food on my plate I was not meeting my friends' eyes.

"You and Malfoy? Talking? Have you both gone mad?" Ginny says as she twines her fingers in mine.

_Why doesn't this feel right? She's my girlfriend I should love holding her hand, but then how come I want to pull away? I'm an awful boyfriend. Maybe if I kiss her that will bring me back to normal._

I feel her lips on mine, moving with mine in a familiar way. Her tongue strokes my lip and I open my mouth automatically. My tongue darts into her mouth and it doesn't feel right; she's too soft, too hesitant. Quickly I pull away and get up from the table, leaving everyone without a single word of explanation.

"Nargles" the portrait hole opens up and I climb through it.

Pounding up the stairs to the dormitory my mind swirls with thoughts, each one blending into the next. Robes, muggle clothes, quills and spare parchment fly through the air as I'm digging through my trunk, looking for something very muggle.

"Ah-ha! I found you!" I exclaim pulling out a muggle device called an IPod. I nicked it from Dudley a while back.

_Please work, please, please, please work!_

The screen lights up when I press the power button.

_Yes! It works!_

I pull out my headphones and turn up the music to full volume. Three Days Grace pours into my ears.

_I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself_

I sit on the edge of my four-poster and drown myself with mind-numbing music.

"HARRY!" someone screams at me as rough hands rip my ear-buds out.

"What?" I shout back, trying to cover up my initial fright.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I followed you from the Great Hall, you looked upset, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You left the portrait hole open so I came in and-" Malfoy is standing in the middle of the room looking like he had just been caught by Filch.

"You talk too much, Malfoy," I say before doing something completely and totally impulsive. My lips crush his in an intense kiss. This kiss is anything but sweet and tender. Our teeth clash and my glasses are knocked off by his nose. Everything that a kiss shouldn't be, this kiss is. At the same time snogging Malfoy is unlike anything I have ever experienced. It's great and liberating. Sparks, that I have never felt while kissing Ginny, fly. A moan escapes one of our mouths, at this point I'm not sure who it is. Eventually he pulls away, grinning and panting.

"What was that?" he asks.

"I wanted to try something,"

"Do you want to try some more?" his voice takes on a seductive edge and before I get a chance to answer his lips envelop mine. I open my mouth and flick my tongue out, his mouth opens in response. Quickly our tongues start battling for dominance. My hands find their way into his hair, tugging and pulling; I can feel his hands doing the same thing in my hair.

"Oh," a loud bang of books hitting the floor pulls us out of our tongue wresting match. Hermione is standing in the doorway, her mouth shaped in a perfect O and her eyes wide with surprise.

"Shit," Draco says before running out of the room.

"Hermione I- Draco and I- we just- I didn't mean- he came to- and then we- how long were you- it wasn't supposed to happen and- " I stutter and try to explain what just happened. The only problem is I don't even know what happened.

"Harry you know what he's doing right? He's playing with you; he doesn't feel anything for you. He works for You-Know-Who and is most likely acting like this toward you on His orders," her voice is soft and full of worry.

"No he's not, trust me 'Mione, he isn't the Draco we knew. He's changed," I put my glasses on and try to flatten my hair back down.

"How do you know he's changed?"

"I just do okay? Please believe me."

"I'm sorry, Harry, I just can't believe that Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, a known Death Eater's, son, would just change over the summer like that."

"Fine, whatever just don't tell anyone, especially Ron and Ginny, what you saw. I don't want anyone to know what happened until I figure out what's happening," my voice is dead serious.

"Okay, but promise me that once you figure this out that you will tell them."

"I promise. Thanks for being so understanding, you really are a good friend," I give her a weak smile and pull her into a hug. We walk out of the dormitory, down the stairs and back into the main part of the castle.

**What did you think? Was it good? I'm trying to get the plot started a little bit now…most of the first three chapters was fluff, but now it should start rolling. I really had a good time writing the kissing scene. If anyone was wondering the song is ****Animal I Have Become**** by **_**Three Days Grace**_**, one of my all time favorite bands! Anyway be a good reader and comment, constructive criticism is always welcome!**

**Peace, Love Drarry**

**Crazymuggleborn25**

**If any of you are still reading I might not be posting fr a wile because I have really bad writers block, but hopefully I will push through it!**


	5. Winters Day Monolouge pt1

**I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean**_** everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and potions, and basically anything else you can think of. This is a slash story, if you don't like, don't read! Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF ( swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, smoking, more swearing, etc)….so if you have a problem with any of the listed above then don't read it, after all this **_**is**_** rated T. **

**Okay so these next few chapters will be different. I was listening to one of my favorite songs ****Winter's Day Monologue**** by Saturday Night at the Apollo and it really reminded me of what is going on with Draco and Harry, so I decided to make the next few chapters based on a verse or part of the chorus and I will put it in italics under the chapter title. Also I am staying in Harry's PoV for this chapter because it makes more sense this way. **

**Thanks to secretlyinslytherin for beta-ing, always appreciated =)**

**This is dedicated to my friend Maggie: thank you so much for being there for me, even when I thought my writing was crap xP, also thank you for commenting!**

* * *

**Harry's PoV**

Chapter Five: A Winter's Day Monologue pt 1

_And the pissed off marks on paper  
Slowly fade away with time  
And all the memories keep blurry  
Cause they're lost inside your mind_

_I'm wishing for a dream or two_  
_Before the end of every day_  
_So all the broken pieces mend_  
_And I can put them all away_

_The little bits and scraps and parts of_  
_The life behind my back_  
_That I keep forgetting more of_  
_But it needs to be like that_

The last class of the day is a double period of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Two hours of Dark-Arts-Voldemort-loving Snape. On a normal day the lessons are bearable, but today it is all I can do to keep from running out of the classroom screaming at the top of my lungs. We are working on nonverbal disarming. I am with Hermione. Every time I pick up my wand she whispers in my ear something about how I shouldn't trust Malfoy. It is getting really annoying. She doesn't know him like I do. The lesson finally ends and I go and pick up my bag. I'm not hungry so I go right up to the common room. Dudley's old Ipod is still lying on the bed; I pick it up and put it on shuffle. Its hellogoodbye's When We First Kissed. Closing my eyes I listen to the lyrics.

'_What was I thinking?  
It started to sink in  
It wasn't what we did  
I started to see it more'_

The song ends and switches to another song, this one is 30h!3. I usually don't listen to them but this one has a great beat and the lyrics are quite interesting.

'_This is now, that was then  
Forget about the past and let's hit it again'_

_Is it me or do all of these songs remind me of Draco in one way or another?_

A shadow is cast across me and I look up to see Ron standing over me.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask.

"What is going on with you and Gin? You snog her and then leave without saying another word and now she's crying in the common room because she thinks you are avoiding her,"

"What? I'm not avoiding her, I just need to figure some stuff out okay? It has nothing to do with her."

_Why didn't she tell me this herself? Why did she have to bring Hermione and Ron into this? This is none of their business. I'm having a sexuality crisis and now my two best friends and my girlfriend are going bothering me about avoiding said girlfriend. I wasn't even avoiding her! We just don't see each other because of our different timetables._

"Well you tell her that 'cause she won't listen to anyone, not even Hermione."

"Alright, okay I'll go down and talk to her," I put away the headphones and Ron lead me to Ginny in the common room. She was sitting in an armchair in the corner, and her eyes are puffy looking like she had just stopped crying. When she saw me tears started to well up again. I open my mouth to speak but before a sound comes out she says, "Go away, Harry, I don't want to talk to you,"

"Please Gin I –"

"Don't call me Gin,"

"Ginny please listen. I don't know what you think is going on but I really want to apologize for running off like that earlier. I shouldn't have done that."

"But you did and you can't take it back."

"I would if I could, I promise," I sit on the edge of her armchair and place my arm around her shoulders.

Hermione comes over to my side and whispers, "Harry, don't do this to yourself, or Ginny. It will only hurt both of you if you continue to see Malfoy."

_Again with the Malfoy thing, why doesn't she just drop it? I know who he really is, she doesn't. What time is it?_

"Drop it Hermione. I don't want to talk about this now," my voice has a dangerous edge to it. "Houras."

_Seven-thirty. I need to get down to the library, now._

"Sorry to leave you like this, Ginny, but I have to go down to the library and study. Please forgive me. I really am sorry though," quickly I kiss her.

It isn't like the kisses from Malfoy, but it will have to do for now. I walk out of the portrait hole and down to the library, much to the dismay of Hermione and Ginny.

_I can't help who I like. It's not my fault who I am. Maybe if I didn't go into the bathroom that night this wouldn't be an issue. If I really am gay this would have happened anyway. Why Malfoy though? When did anger and loathing turn into kisses and daydreams? I don't know, but it happened. Maybe it always was meant to be kisses and daydreams, but when I rejected being his friend during first year it turned into loathing. If I don't have answers who does? _

I get to the Library and find Draco sitting in his favorite armchair in one of the corners.

"Hey Draco," something inside me switches and I find myself smiling after just seeing him and saying his name.

_Is this what love really is?_

"Hey," he looks up from the book he is reading.

"Since when do you read?"

"I read a lot, you just don't notice because I'm not in the library all the time like Granger," Draco closes the book.

"Oh," I sit down in the chair next to him; I can tell that tonight we aren't going to get much studying done.

"Mhm, what's on your mind? You seemed worried,"

"It's Ginny, she thinks something is up between us and she was crying in the common room earlier. I didn't know what to say and then I left to meet you. I love her, I really do, but it's more of a she's–my–sister love not the I–want–to–be–with–her love. On top of that there is the whole Voldemort–is–out–to–kill–me thing and I have no clue on where to start, now that Sirius is gone I really have no one to talk to. I have Hermione and Ron and they will listen but they don't really understand, they try to help but sometimes it just makes things worse."

"Well, I can't really help you with Ginny. The only thing I can think of is to tell her the truth. She'll find out eventually and it would be better for her to hear it from you and not someone else. If you ever need someone to talk to, someone who knows what He's like, I'm here to talk,"

"Thanks, do you mind if we talk now?"

"Sure, about what?"

"Anything, everything. I just need to vent, if that's okay."

"Go right ahead, I'm all ears."

With that I start talking and once I start, I can't stop. I feel as if I'm pouring my soul out to someone who last year I thought was my worst enemy.

**Two Hours Later:**

"Boys, the library is closed you two need to get back to your Houses," the sharp voice of Madam Pince breaks us out of our trance. For the past two hours all we did was talk, much to her dismay.

"You want to come back to my room? We can talk there," he suggests

"Won't people wonder why Harry Potter is in the Slytherin Common Room?"

"Nah, I have my own room, because I'm a prefect."

"Right, yeah, sure lets go."

_I don't have anything better to do. If I went back to the Common Room I'd have to listen to Hermione complain about how I shouldn't hang out with Malfoy, honestly sometimes she needs to mind her own business._

We enter his room and he flops onto the bed with a loud sigh. In the corner is a very comfortable looking armchair I sit there and watch him quietly. Draco just lays there, lost in thought.

_He looks very different like that, older, more troubled, but he is troubled, isn't he?_

Minutes pass and my mind starts to wander, the next thing I know I'm being slapped gently and someone is saying "Wake up, wake up!"

"What? What's happing? Did I miss something?"

The light makes me blink, trying to clear my vision. It doesn't clear though.

_Why can't I see?_

I pat my face and realize I'm not wearing my glasses.

"Here, they fell off your face when you were sleeping. You look really different without them. I like it," Malfoy smiles again and my heart starts to pound.

_Why is my heart pounding like this? He just smiled, it's not like he touched me or anything. Wait whoa…did he say I was sleeping? And I didn't have any nightmares? That's amazing. Maybe it's because he helped me realize why I'm having them? _

"Uh- thanks. What time is it?"

"I think its eleven-thirty,"

"Eleven-thirty? Damn it there is no way that I'm going to be able to go all the way to Gryffindor Tower without getting caught!" I fly out of the chair and start pacing back and forth.

_How am I going to get back? What about my invisibility cloak? Damn it! It's not in my pocket where it usually is! I must have left it in the room when I went to go talk to Ginny. I need to get back; Ron and Hermione will be worried, not to mention what Ginny will think if she finds out I didn't go back. What have I done? This was stupid, how could I have fallen asleep in Malfoy's room? _

Draco places his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes, my heart pounds faster, I feel like it's about to burst through my chest.

"Harry, calm down. You can stay here and then just sneak back early in the morning."

"Where will I sleep?"

"In the bed of course," he says like it's the simplest thing in the world.

"Then where will you sleep?"

"On the floor I suppose," with a shrug he summons a small mattress and blankets for the floor.

_I can't just kick him out of his bed, that's not right._

"Its fine, I'll sleep on the floor. You can have your bed."

"No, I don't mind, really."

"Neither do I, I'm used to it actually. When I was younger sleeping on that would have been a privilege."

"Just take the damn bed and stop being so stubborn. I'm trying to be nice and a gentleman but you are making it really fucking hard to be!" he glowers at me until I agree to take the bed.

"Um, Draco?"

"What can it possibly be now?"

"Well this bed is really big and I…never mind."

"No, tell me,"

"I –um, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but this bed is big enough to fit the two of us I think. So if you wanted you could sleep on the bed too."

_How desperate do I sound right now?_

After a moment of thinking he says, "Yeah, okay. That's fine," and climbs into the bed.

"G'night, Draco,"

"'Night Harry," with that I fall asleep.

_I could get used to this._

* * *

**Ahhh! I don't know why but I really like this chapter! This bit of Drarry fluff took me a while to write…but I got it in the end! **

**So what do you think will happen when Harry and Draco wake up? Do you think Ginny will notice that Harry didn't come back? What about Hermione? **

**Please let me know your thoughts! The more comments the happier I'll be which makes me inspired for writing, so if you like this or hate it I want to know!**

**Peace, Love, Drarry **

**Crazymuggleborn44**

**P.S I will work very hard to post every week, but seeing as I went back to school on Monday, I need to prioritize (choir/play, schoolwork, writing). I will try my hardest to write a chapter for every week but I might not get there, sorry!**

**I know I'm late on this but hope you had an awesome 2010 and this year will be even better! =D**


	6. Winters Day Monolouge pt2

**I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean**_** everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and potions, and basically anything else you can think of. This is a slash story, if you don't like, don't read! Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF ( swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, smoking, more swearing, etc)….so if you have a problem with any of the listed above then don't read it, after all this **_**is**_** rated T. **

**This one skips forward a few weeks, but there will be flashbacks. I will section them off and write them in italics so that you know when they are. Also I'm sorry for the OOC of certain characters (Hermione), but she needs to be like that cause that's a big part of the story. Happy Reading!**

**Draco's PoV**

Chapter 6: A Winter's Day Monologue part 2:

_And now I'm dreaming of the nights  
That we both remember well  
And I'm sure I'm most assured that  
The way you made me feel  
Could be the greatest love I've ever felt  
From anybody else  
But everybody thinks I'm cruel  
And I am here just for myself  
Because "How could he really love her?  
He's in it just for kicks."  
And that's why we've lasted so long  
Even though we are like this_

**Three Weeks Later:**

Two weeks, that's how long Harry and I have been together. A week after he and I slept in the same bed I realized how strongly I felt for him. Not long after he broke up with Ginny and then I asked him out and he said yes. Only a select few know about us, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Pansy and Blaise. Harry said that Ginny and Hermione took it the worst; surprisingly Ron was fine with it.

XOXO

**Two days after Draco asked Harry out**

"_Harry are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost__.__"_

"_Yeah, I'm fine. I just told Ron, Ginny and Hermione__.__"_

"_And…?"_

"_Ron's fine with it. He said 'there are certain things a manly bloke like me knows, one of them is when is best mate is in love with another guy. Congratulations.'"_

"_What about Ginny and Hermione__, a__re they okay with it?"_

"_Not so much, Ginny burst into tears and ran up to her dormitory and Hermione started screaming about how I shouldn't be with a 'Death-Eater bastard who is only using you so that you are vulnerable to You-Know-Who.' I told her to calm down and that she should be a good best friend and be happy for me like Ron,"_

XOXO

I'm listening to Harry's muggle electronic called an Ipod. It's really interesting; it holds hundreds of songs and plays them back when you just click on it.

"OI! DRACO!" Pansy shouts from the other end of the couch we are sitting on in the Common Room.

"What the fuck, Pansy? No need to shout!"

"I've been saying your name for like five minutes and you didn't respond."

"You could have just taken one of my ear-buds out. Then you wouldn't have had to bother everyone in here trying to study."

"What the hell is an ear-bud?" she looks confused, I'm not surprised.

"It's this muggle thing that you put in your ear and then you can listen to music through it."

"Well that's…interesting,"

"Yeah I know. Why'd you call my name in the first place?"

"Oh! Right, I wanted to let you know that Harry invited Blaise and me to go with you guys to Hogsmead tomorrow, kind of like a double date."

"Oh cool," I said and went back to listening to Harry's Ipod and working on the potions essay that was assigned yesterday. At first Harry and Blaise's friendship kind of annoyed me, they hung out all the time, even without me and then when I would hang out with them they would say all these inside jokes that made no sense to me. Now I'm used to it though, and I think it's nice that my boyfriend and my best-friend are friends.

XOXO

**Three weeks earlier, two days after Harry spent the night in Draco's room**

"_Draco, I don't think this is such a good idea, what if he tries to hex me or something?" Harry's worried voice floats up to me from behind._

"_He won't, trust me__.__"_

"_But what if he does?"_

_I turn around and march toward him, "Harry, Blaise will not try to hex you. I promise. He said he will be on his best behavior and will not hurt you."_

"_Okay, but if he does I swear to god Malfoy I will hex you into next week!"_

_We enter the Three Broomsticks and find a table. Blaise walks in a few minutes later and sits down with us._

"_Blaise, this is Harry. Harry, this is Blaise__.__"_

"_Hey," Harry says meekly._

"_Hullo," Blaise nods his head and sticks his hand out. Harry shakes it. _

"_Good," I smile at both of them._

_Quickly they find a common interest, Quidditch and potions. They both are extremely good in said subjects. I feel slightly left out but that's okay, at least I do not have to separate them from fighting. _

XOXO

**The Next Day, Three Broomsticks**

"So, Harry. How is Hermione dealing with you and Draco?" Pansy asks, sipping her butterbeer. A small frown appears on his face, "Not so good. When I told her where I was going today she started shouting at me again. Ron had to stun her to get her to stop. It was pretty bad. I don't get why she doesn't accept it already, you know? Even Ginny has moved on. Today she told me she was glad that I was happy again."

"Shit man. That sucks," Blaise says. "Maybe she has a thing for you?"

"I thought she was with Ron,"

Harry shakes his head, "No, they are just friends."

"Even though he clearly has a thing for Granger," I interject. Conversation like this went on for half an hour and then we moved on to more serious things.

"Draco, do your parents know that you are um…gay?" Blaise asks.

He still hasn't quite wrapped his head around that fact, but he puts up with it well enough.

"What do you think? Unless he had a death wish he wouldn't tell his parents that. His father would kill him on the spot for being gay," Pansy answers for me.

"I can speak for myself thank you very much Pansy. You are right, though, in saying that Father would kill me if he found out I was gay," my voice hardens at the mere mention of Father.

I have always feared him, even before I came to terms with being gay. He always threatened me and forced his ways on me.

"Draco, do you need to go outside for a minute?" Harry whispers into my ear. His cool breath sends shivers down my spine.

"No why?"

"I think you should come outside with me for a second," the glint in his eyes and the mischievous tone of his voice is enough to get me to follow him outside.

"What was that about?"

"I could see where that conversation was going and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Huh?"

"They were going to start talking about you–know–what," he motions toward my left forearm. Subconsciously I touch the blemish there.

"Yeah…" my voice trails off as I think about the day that I told Harry about my little, um, condition.

XOXO

**Two weeks earlier**

_We are sitting by the lake, it's a beautiful Indian Summer day and most people are outside enjoying it. I'm lying down on the grass and stare at the clouds moving in the sky, lost in thought._

"_Drake, what are you thinking about?" Harry's voice cuts through, making me lose my train of thought, not that I mind. _

"_Oh, nothing," my lie is thin and I know he will probably see through it. _

"_No, seriously__, y__ou've been glowering at the sky for ten minutes. Nothing makes you look like that besides you father and Him__.__"_

"_If I tell you, you promise not to tell anyone?"  
"Promise__.__"_

"_Okay," I take a deep breath and slowly pull my robe sleeve up my left arm. He gasps slightly and his fingers trace the scars._

"_Draco, did you do this to yourself?"_

"_Yeah, I did, and um, I still do. See those?" I point to some fresh cuts. "Those are from last week. I'm getting better though, since I started hanging out with you. That sounds so cheesy, but it's true. When I'm with you I feel like everything will be okay." _

"_I'm glad I can help. Please don't hurt yourself like this anymore, okay? There are other ways to deal with your pain," his voice is soft and concerned; I can't help but melt into a puddle and agree. _

XOXO

_I wonder if he knows that sometimes when he's not there I still do that. I can't help it; it's just a way for me to let everything out. _

"Drake?"

"Hm?"

"Who is that over there with Ginny?" Harry points to the two girls standing outside Honeydukes. I squint at the girl on the right, next to Ginny.

_Is that…Hermione? Why is she here? I thought she had studying to do. _

"Um, I think its Hermione,"

"Shit, hold on once second. I need to go talk to her," he walks over to them.

Hermione whispers something in his ear while glowering at me.

_Why does she have to do this? It's unfair. I don't understand why she's doing this. She should be happy that her best friend finally found someone that makes him happy. Honestly, this girl needs to get over herself! Doesn't she realize that she's the only one that isn't happy for Harry? Even Ron and Ginny are fine with this. She's really starting to piss me off. If this keeps up I don't think I'll be able to contain myself from doing something rash. _

Harry looks back at me and then says "No, Hermione, I am gay. I will not go out with Ginny, no offence Ginny."

"None take," she replies.

"Harry, please. He's just using you, why can't you see that?" Hermione pleads.

"Drop it. You are the only one that isn't okay with this, and I don't understand why," with that he storms off.

**This is fun. I like writing Hermione as the "bad guy/girl". Anyway I'm toying with writing in her PoV sometime in the near future. Tell me what you think about it when you click that little button that says review! **

**Thanks and much love!**

**Peace, Love, Drarry**

**CrazyMuggleBorn44**


	7. Winters Day Monolouge pt3

**I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean**_** everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and potions, and basically anything else you can think of. **

**This is a slash story, if you don't like, don't read! **

**Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF ( swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, drinking, more swearing, etc)….so if you have a problem with any of the listed above then don't read it, after all this **_**is**_** rated T. **

**I'm sorry for the OOC-ness of certain characters (Hermione), but it needs to be like that. Last thing Bethany, Minnie, Hope and Bella are all my characters, I chose to ignore that at this point in HBP Ron is dating Lavender Brown because I do not like her. **

**Also sorry for my inconsistent updates, I am trying to update every week but sometimes I just can't.**

**Thanks to **Maggie**, **sacha k, **and **angelhazard** for reviewing! They are always appreciated! **

**Muchos gracias to my amazing beta secretlyinslytherin for fixing my mistakes and helping to make the story better! :D**

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**Harry's PoV**

Chapter 7: Winter's Day Monologue Part 3:

_So take the moments that we shared  
And don't you dare ever forget  
That I will always be right here  
Without a single soul regret._

_Hold me close I'm falling faster  
Tell me this could last forever  
Hold me close I'm falling faster_

**Middle to Late November**

Hermione is really going overboard with this Your–Boyfriend–is–a–Death-Eater idea. Whenever she has the chance to she tries to get me to go back with Ginny. It's insanity. Sometimes I swear she's following Draco and me. I don't get why she doesn't trust my judgment. She doesn't need to approve of who I date anyway, she's not my mother.

As Hermione becomes more upset with Draco and I being together we become closer. He is one of my best friends on top of being my boyfriend. I try to tell him everything and he tries to tell me everything. I know that there are certain things he won't tell me until he is ready and that is the same for me. We will get there eventually and when that time comes I will still think of him the same way.

Life goes on the same as it always does. The Quidditch season is almost over; there are eight games left Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin and Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff. Then the two losers face each other for third and fourth place and then the two winners face each other for second and third place. I'm still doing excellent in Potions thanks to the Half-Blood Prince. I don't know who he is or was, but he is a Potions genius.

"Harry!" Ron calls from the end of the hallway. I wait for him. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"No, why?"

"Good, Dean smuggled in some Firewhiskey that he got from somewhere. We are going to have some and party tonight, but don't tell anyone," he looks around, hoping no one over-heard that.

"That sounds like loads of fun, but what if we get caught?"  
"You sound like Hermione; no one is going to get caught. Oh, by the way bring Draco," he says and then rushes off to who knows where.

_Well that was weird. I guess if I bring Draco it'll be fine. He won't let me do anything stupid._

**That night**

Dean brings out the Firewhiskey and the boy's 6th year dormitory erupts in whoops.

"Come on Dean, pour us some already!" Seamus whines. He reminds me of a younger Dudley who wanted more presents on his birthday.

His arm is around either Minnie or Hope Blankhouse; I think it's Minnie, a sixth year Ravenclaw. She is giggling and already flushed and we haven't had one drink yet.

"Yeah Deanie, we want something to drink," another giggly girl says. This one is hanging off Dean's arm, I think its Hope, but I'm not sure. Dean conjurors us glasses and pours us each a generous amount.

"Deanie? What is up with these girls? Can they be more desperate and annoying?" Draco whispers into my ear so only I can hear.

"I know right, but hey I can't judge who other people fancy," I say back, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

Surprisingly even Neville is here joining in on the fun. I didn't take him for the rebellious type but after the Ministry anything's possible. He brought his girlfriend, Bethany Armstrong. She is a quiet Hufflepuff but she seemed to be enjoying herself, taking drinks of her Firewhiskey every few minutes. On Ron's arm was a Ravenclaw seventh year, Bella Roth. How he managed to get a seventh year is beyond me. She seemed nice enough and obviously knew what she was doing. Four goblets of Firewhiskey and several drinking games later all of us were a lot more than just a little bit tipsy.

"You know- hiccup- that last year –hiccup- I fancied you?" either Hope or Minnie admits.

"Really? Well that is just great for you, 'cause in case you didn't notice I am very gay and very in love with this bloke right here," Draco drawls. He looks so different when he's drunk. It's like he's a different person.

_Wait! Did he just say he's in love with me?_

"Draco, babe, did you just say you are in love with me?" my speech is slurred and I don't know if he understood what I said.

"Yes of course I did. You are my boyfriend and I love you!" with that he kisses my fiercely. It's nothing like the sweet and passionate kisses we normally share. This kiss is drunk and tastes of Firewhiskey, not that I mind, change is good.

"I love you too," I gasp when we finally pull apart. I don't know if he meant it or not but I know I certainly did. Looking around at our group I notice that Neville and Bethany are passed out on his bed, Seamus and his half of the Blankhouse twins are making out and so is Dean and the other half. The only couple missing is Ron and Bella.

"Drake, where is Ron?"

"Uh- I dunno. I think him and Bella went somewhere to go shag," he gives me a lopsided grin and kisses me again.

_This is fun. Why haven't we done this before? We have to do this again! _

"Come on; let's go back to my room. It'll be more private there," Draco grabs my hand and pulls me out of Gryffindor Tower.

"It's so quiet out here! Hello! Hello! Hello! Ohmygod Drake! I'm echoing!" I burst out laughing.

"Shush! You'll wake up Fitch- I mean Filth- I mean Filtch!"

"Am I talking loud? I think I am!" my voice is echoing through the hallways.

"Shush! Let's just go before he catches us."

We drunk-swagger all the way back to his room; in his room we snog some more. Then somehow I end up lying under him on his bed without a shirt.

"What are we doing?"

"I have no fucking clue, let's just go with it," he kisses me again.

**The next day (Saturday Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff)**

The sun is shining brightly, too brightly.

_What happened last night? Everything is such a blur. The last thing I remember is Draco kissing me…Oh shit!_

I look around; I'm lying in Draco's bed with nothing except my boxers on.

_Shit, what time is it? Where is my wand?_

I flip out of the bed and start searching frantically for my wand. Finally I find it in my pocket and check the time.

"Harry? What are you doing?"

"I have a Quidditch match today. I'm the captain I can't miss the match!" pulling my clothes on I head toward the door. My head is pounding and I can barley think straight.

"Ughh," Draco moans.

_How drunk was I last night? This hangover is hell!_

I stumble into the Great Hall where I see Ron with his head in his hands and Hermione with her arm wrapped around him.

"Hey," I say sitting down and grabbing a piece of toast.

_Why are the lights so bright in here?_

"Harry James Potter, where were you last night and this morning? No one could find you or Ronald here," Hermione starts in on me.

_Not this, not now. I do not want to deal with this…_

"I was with Draco. I spent the night in his er- room,"

"YOU WHAT?" she explodes.

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**To be continued…maybe**

**So what'd you think? **

**I thought this little bit of fluff was needed. I'm not sure however if I am going to continue on with this morning-after-the-party thing…I don't think I will because then it will take away from the plot.**

**Please leave your questions, comments, quotes, etc when you click the little button that says review.**

**Thanks so much**

**-CM44-**


	8. In Her Diary

**This is a lot earlier than I planned to post it…but I feel I owe you all so I'm posting it. Haha. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean**_** everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and potions, and basically anything else you can think of. **

**This is a slash story, if you don't like, don't read! **

**Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF ( swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, drinking, more swearing, etc)….so if you have a problem with any of the listed above then don't read it, after all this **_**is**_** rated T. **

**I'm sorry for the OOC-ness of certain characters (Hermione), but it needs to be like that. So after toying with the idea for like, a whole day (a long time in my weird little world), I have decided to do a chapter from Hermione's PoV I think it would benefit the story a lot. So here it is. Sorry if its shit, but I tried!**

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**Special thanks to…**

Machiko** and** Whaddya Think. Cause I Dunno** for adding this to story alert **

WarriorDarkAngel** for adding me as one of their favorite authors and adding this story to favorite stories **

Isabelledward **for adding this to story alert and me to favorite authors, **

Estelle J, realworldiscruel** and **Midnight Freesia **for adding this to favorite stories. **

**Also thank you to **2910leiv, WarriorDarkAngel, Isabelledward, **and** Maggie

**for reviewing! Reading the reviews made me very happy! Thanks so much. This chapter is for you all.**

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**Hermione's PoV**

Chapter Eight: In Her Diary

_December 1st_

_Dear Diary,_

_Last week Harry and Draco were drunk and the next morning Harry said he spent the night in Malfoy's room. I think they did it. Why oh why doesn't Harry understand that Malfoy is using him? Gryffindor and Slytherin are supposed to hate each other, not hook up! Malfoy is a slick git who uses people to get what he wants. He's just like his father. His Death-Eater, Pure-Blood is better, Voldemort loving father. I've taken to watching over Harry because no one else gets that Malfoy is up to no good. Sometimes I wonder if Harry hasn't been confounded or imperioused I wouldn't put it past Draco to do that. _

_Hermione_

_December 12th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was a __Hogsmead __trip and of course Harry and Draco went. Whenever they go they meet up with Parkinson and Zabini__. I__t sickens me to see Harry hanging out with those jerks. I followed them and I saw them all laughing together, like they were friends. Every time I look at them it's all I can do not to hex those snakes. Oh, how I've tried to show him that they aren't really his true friends. He just won't see reason. I have half a mind to tell Dumbledore what I think is going on. _

_Hermione_

_December 14th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today after lessons were finished I went to see Dumbledore. I told him what I thought was going on. You know what he did? He said "Now, now Hermione, aren't you just over-reacting just a bit? Are you sure it's not the fact that Harry is gay __instead of__ that he is dating Draco? I'm sure if you give it time the couple will grow on you."_

_That wasn't any help at all! I thought the Headmaster would be on my side for sure! If he was I'm sure he'd make Harry see reason. Oh__,__ what am I going to do?_

_Hermione_

_December 17th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Thank __G__od tomorrow we are going to The Burrow, I don't know how much more of this I can take. Just now I caught Harry and Draco in the library and they sure as hell weren't studying. It repulses me that everyone is okay with this. Contrary to what the Headmaster says I am fine with the fact that Harry is gay. However I am not okay with the fact that Harry's boyfriend is Draco Malfoy. Lions and Snakes do not make good lovers. How can they not see that? Harry acts like everything is all sunshine and daisies all the time, the truth is it's not. I hear him talking to Ginny and Ron about the fights him and Malfoy have. Even through all the fights he still says he 'loves' Malfoy. He has no idea what love is._

_Hermione_

_December 19th _

_Dear Diary,_

_Today we had fun at the Burrow. It was nice enough that we all went outside and played three-a-side Quidditch. Harry seemed back to normal__. M__aybe by the end of the holiday __he__ will understand that he doesn't need Draco to be happy. _

_Hermione_

_December 24th_

_Today is Christmas Eve. Harry seemed a little down, hopefully he'll cheer up tomorrow! Anyway__,__ Ron and I spent a long time talking and he tried to tell me that I was being irrational about Harry and Draco. Now even Ron is telling me I'm crazy! When will they realize that I'm not the crazy one?_

_Hermione_

_December 31st_

_UGH! I thought that I was finally breaking through to Harry, but today when I brought up Draco he told me to mind my own business. Trying to protect him I told him that maybe he should take a break with __Malfoy. __Instead of finally seeing reason he started lecturing me about how I shouldn't stick my nose where it didn't belong. I defended myself saying that it's not my fault that I don't trust Malfoy. We fought for several hours and at the end of the argument he told me that I might as well not talk to him anymore because as far as he is concerned we aren't friends anymore. When I told Ron he sided with Harry! I can't believe those two! Sometimes I wonder if everyone in the world __has__ gone mad and I'm the only sane one._

_Hermione_

_January 2nd_

_Today we returned to Hogwarts. I am so glad to get away from those two. I talked to Ginny yesterday and she told me that both I and the guys are being childish. At least she doesn't agree with them. Hopefully once classes being again everything will return to normal. _

_Hermione_

_January 8th_

_The past week has been absolutely horrid. Harry hasn't talked to me all week except to tell me to butt out. His actual words were 'Hermione, piss off and leave Drake__ and me__ alone. We don't want your help__. W__e didn't even ask for __it__.'_

_I can't believe him! I am only trying to help. _

_Hermione_

_January 30th_

_Draco Malfoy is a ghastly person!_

_I am trying to discover what he really is up to, so I followed him to the library. He just sat there pouring over books. Finally I just passed him a note saying:_

'_Why are you doing this to Harry? He hasn't done anything to you'_

_He sent this note back: 'Stay out of my way, Mudblood'_

_Of course I went over to him and told him off for calling me a Mudblood. He argued back and we ended up getting kicked out of the library. The fight continued in the hallway and then Harry and Ginny came up and stopped the clash from getting carried away. _

_Even after I showed him the note Harry still took Draco's side! I can't believe both of them._

_Hermione_

_February 15th _

_Oh happy day! Apparently yesterday Harry and Draco got in a major fight and Draco broke up with him. He told me this morning at breakfast. I don't know why he's do down__. __I tried to tell him that Draco was just playing with him, but he didn't listen. _

_Well at least he is out of our lives now!_

_Hermione_

_February 25th_

_Today Harry and Draco made up. I advised him not to go back to Draco. He didn't listen to me however. Now that they are back together it is time to take matters into my own hands, I must follow them at all times. _

_Hermione_

_March 10th_

_I think Harry suspects that I am watching over him. He seems to spend a lot more time away from the places he usually hangs out. I will stand by what I said earlier and will watch over him._

_Hermione_

_March 30th_

_This is taking up my life, my grades are slipping and I am becoming weary with following them. Still I watch over them__diligently. Actually, I'm watching over Harry, I wouldn't watch over that monster if you paid me. I vowed that I would protect Harry when the time is right and I can tell that the time is nearing._

_Hermione_

_April 8th_

_Ginny has left me friendless. Today she told 'if you keep stalking Harry and Draco I will never talk to you again. This is madness.' I said that I would not stop watching over Harry, he needs me and when the time is right I will be there to protect him_

_Hermione_

_April 17th_

_I have decided that the only true way to protect Harry is to kill Draco. He still will not listen to me about how evil that Snake is. I will show him__. __T__hat is a promise._

_Hermione_

_April 29th_

_Today I tried using the Killing Curse today. I used dolls that the Room of Requirement gave me. Nothing happened. What was it the __Belletrix __told Harry? Hm, oh yes! She said you must mean it. I will try again in the next few weeks. _

_May 14th_

_In the Room of Requirement I have learned that all the materials, even the ones banned from the Restricted Section __in__ the library, are at my disposal. This makes everything so much easier. _

_Hermione_

_May 18th_

_I've been spending more and more time in the Room of Requirement training for the battle that I assume will occur before I kill Draco. I can feel myself growing stronger every day. The others have completely excluded me from their lives. It doesn't matter though, between classes and training myself I have no time for friends. Once Draco is out of the way they will come back to me when they see their faults._

_Hermione_

_May 21st_

_Finally I have mastered the Killing Curse. I know I will regret using this curse later, but right now it is what is needed to be done. Hopefully Harry won't get in the way__;__ I do not want to harm him. I will wait several days before killing Draco, but it will need to be before the summer holidays. _

_Hermione_

_May 31st_

_Today is the day. I will destroy Draco Malfoy forever and show Harry that he really was a Death Eater._

_Hermione_

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**So did you like it? Did you hate it? I am pretty pleased with myself…but that doesn't mean you guys'll like it. So please read and the review by clicking the little review button. **

_**(A little note to those who read and then don't review- please don't do that, it makes me sad. Please review it's nice and the more reviews I get with ideas etc the faster I will update.)**_

**-CM44-**

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**P.S I have recently started reading Mary-Sue fics…I love them strangely enough. They make me laugh. If anyone hasn't already I suggest going to myimmortalrehost . webs . com and reading that fic(don't put the spaces in, thought!). It is so bad it's funny. Also search Attack of the Mary-Sues on this site…it's a good pick-me-up if you are sad. Anyway…peace out lovas!**

**-CM44-**

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**P.P.S if anyone can think of some good songs to use for my fic 'All The Small Things' I will write a chapter for you in both of my fics. **

**Heart You All**

**-CM44-**


	9. Falling Back into Old Ways

**Holy (insert word here)! I am so freaking sorry about not updating in like forever! I got really distracted with everything and I forgot. I feel so bad. Hopefully this chapter makes up for it! **

**I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean**_** everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and potions, and basically anything else you can think of. **

**This is a slash story, if you don't like, don't read! **

**Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF ( swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, drinking, more swearing, etc)….so if you have a problem with any of the listed above then don't read it, after all this **_**is**_** rated T. **

**I'm sorry for the OOC-ness of certain characters (Hermione), but it needs to be like that. So this takes place a few weeks after they get back from their winter holiday at The Burrow. Harry is still not speaking to Hermione but she still tries to "help" him.**

**Special thanks to…**

Maggie** for suggesting a song for ATST =)**

Sacha k, Justlookingforupdates, **and **Maggie** for reviewing! **

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**Harry's PoV**

Chapter Nine: Falling Back into Old Ways

"Harry, please just listen to me! I'm trying to protect you," Hermione pleads once again

"I don't want to hear this shit again okay? Draco is not trying to kill me, just leave me alone okay?" I turn away from her and try to listen to what Snape is saying.

Ron passes me a note. I open it and see familiar handwriting

_H,_

_I missed you over break. We need to catch up. Free period in my room?_

Making sure that Snape wasn't looking I quickly wrote out a response

_D,_

_Missed you to__o__. Free period sounds great! Got loads to tell you_

_H__,_

I pass the note to Ron, who passes it to Draco. This goes on all class period with Hermione shooting us dirty looks. I didn't care. With the way she is acting I wouldn't mind if she never talks to me again, or at least until she stops being so obsessive over Draco being a Death Eater.

**Free period, after lunch**

I walk into Draco's room and slump down into 'my' armchair.

"Hey, Scar – Head" Draco comes up behind me and kisses me tenderly. He still calls me Scar – Head, but now it's not a cruel taunt.

"Hey."

"How's your situation with Hermione?" he asks, knowing that over the holiday we got in a fight.

"Not good well; she keeps trying to tell me not to trust you and that you are no good."

"You don't believe her, do you?"

"No, of course not! I would never believe her. Quite honestly I think she's becoming obsessed with this…us."

"Yeah, I know. I don't think it's just you either, but don't worry I'll take care of her soon." Drake wiggles himself into my chair.

"Hey, get your own chair!" I whine, slapping his arm.

"In case you forgot this is my chair, it's in my room, remember?"

"Oh shut up," my lips press against his in a passionate kiss.

**That Saturday**

"What do you want to do today?" I ask Ron who was sprawled across the couch opposite me.

"I dunno. Do you want to go hang with the Snakes?" he suggests.

I don't know why but Ron has started calling our Slytherin friends the Snakes. It's weird, but I don't mind it. At least he is getting along with everyone, unlike some people cough *Hermione* cough.

"Yeah, sure, I need to get my Ipod back from Drake anyways."

"M'kay, let's go!" he flips himself off the couch and headed toward the Portrait Hole.

When we arrived there we say the password to get into the Common Room. Ron finds Pansy and Blaise working on homework for something and he walks over to them. Quietly, I slip into the Prefects room.

_Good, Draco isn't here. Now I can take back my Ipod without him knowing. I should get one for him for his birthday. _

Rummaging through his trunk I find my Ipod and stick it in a pocket on the inside of my robes. I go back to the Common Room and join the others.

"Hey Harry!" Blaise motions for me to sit down next to him, so I do.

"Harry, Ron was just saying that we should all go down to the grounds and take a walk, it's nice enough outside," Pansy looks over at me from the other side of the couch. "Do you want to?"

"Yeah, sure. Where's Draco? I didn't see him in his room."

"HE said he had to go to the library to do some studying."

"Okay, I'll go get him," I stood up and walked toward the portrait hole.

"Alright, meet us at the hill by the Whomping Willow," with that we all left the Common Room.

I headed toward the library.

_Why would he go to the library without letting me know? We always go to the library together. Maybe he just wants to check a book out or something…__._

"OI! HARRY!"

"What?" I whip around to see Ginny barreling toward me.

"Have you seen 'Mione? She wasn't in her room when I checked."

"No, she and I aren't on the best terms right now. Maybe she's in the library. I'm heading there myself."

"D'you mind if I join you?"  
"Not a bit," we walked the rest of the library together.

I'm glad that Ginny got over me, I missed being able to talk to her. As we near the library we hear two people shouting.

"Some couple must be fighting," Ginny comments.

"I know those voices; Gin, its Hermione and Draco!"

_Shit why are they fighting? What did she do? What did he do?_

"Come on Harry! We've got to stop them!" Ginny grabs my arm and drags me the rest of the way to the library.

"You bastard! You have no right to insult me like that for no reason!" Hermione screeches and pulls out her wand.  
"Don't you dare take your wand out on me you bitch!" Draco pulls out his wand and takes a stance.

A jet of blue light soars from Hermione's wand and hits Draco in the chest. He flies backward and hits the wall, knocked unconscious.

_What the hell is going on? How did this happen? Please, Draco don't be dead. Don't be dead. Why is she doing this? I knew they didn't get along but a duel in the middle of the hallway?_

"DRACO!" I run through the crowd that has started gathering around the two. "Get out of my way!"

"Stay out of this Harry!" Hermione shouts at me.

"No, I will not stay out of this. You back down, now," my eyes take on a steely glint and she won't look at me.

"Harry you don't understand what he did to me, what he said! Look at this," she shoves a piece of paper.

_Stay out of my way, Mudblood_

"Wow," was all I could say before I walk away.

_I can't believe he would say that to her__.__ I know he doesn't like her but why would he say that to her? I thought he would have changed. He told me he did. I've got to talk to him about this. Not now though, he's still hot from that fight. _

**One Week Later:**

"Hey, Drake can I talk to you about something?" I'm lounging on 'my' chair again.

"Yeah, what's on your mind?"

"Well, um, Hermione showed me the note that you sent her last week in the Library…" my voice trails off, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

"And…?" his eyes glitter with curiosity.

_Is this really worth fighting for? Hermione isn't really my friend anymore anyway, but she was and I don't let anyone, not even my boyfriend, get away with calling someone a Mudblood._

"And I want to know why you called her a Mudblood," saying that word sends a shudder through my body

"Because she was pissing me off, do I need a better reason?" a glimmer of the old Draco gleams in his eyes. A smirk graces his lips.

_What's happened to him?_

"Yes, you do. What's going on with you, Malfoy? You aren't usually like this, I thought you changed."

"I did, but there is a certain attitude that people expect for a Malfoy and I don't want to deny them that," his old sneer is back in his voice.

_Why is he being like this? I didn't do anything to him! I don't get it…__._

"What's the matter with you?

"Nothing's the matter with me. This is who I am, Potter, and if you have a problem with that then you might as well get out of my room."

**To Be Continued**

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**Sorry, but I figured that the Drarry couple wouldn't be all 'rainbows and butterflies', so I wanted them to fight. Don't worry they'll make up…eventually **

**So please, do your duty as a reader and comment, constructive criticism always welcome! **

**Peace, Love, Drarry**

**-CM44- **


	10. Had Enough

**UPDATE: So I went on youtube to watch the video that inspired this fiction...and I found out that the account that made it has been deleted and the video is no longer available to veiw. So sorry for the inconvieneance.**

**I don't own the rights to anything, by anything I mean**_** everything**_**, characters, places, ideas, (most) spells and potions, and basically anything else you can think of. **

**This is a slash story, if you don't like, don't read! **

**Also there is a lot of PG-13 material in this FF ( swearing, suggestive themes, self-injury, drinking, more swearing, etc)….so if you have a problem with any of the listed above then don't read it, after all this **_**is**_** rated T. **

**I'm sorry for the OOC-ness of certain characters (Hermione), but it needs to be like that. What happened last time… **

"_**I did, but there is a certain attitude that people expect for a Malfoy and I don't want to deny them that," his old sneer is back in his voice.**_

_**Why is he being like this? I didn't do anything to him! I don't get it…**_

"_**What's the matter with you?**_

"_**Nothing's the matter with me. This is who I am, Potter, and if you have a problem with that then you might as well get out of my room."**_

**Chapter 10: Had Enough**

Draco's PoV

_Did I really just say that? Damn it. I can't believe I'm doing this again. I'm such a Hufflepuff. No, I'm worse. _

"Fine, if that's how you want it then I'll leave," Harry turns around and heads toward the door.

"No, wait! That's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean? 'Cause it sounds like you meant 'get out of my room'."

"I did but-I um, - it's just that uh- I didn't mean it exactly like that- I just got angry and I- just please don't go!" I stutter, trying to explain what I mean, but I can't put it into words. Hell, I can't even put it into thoughts.

_Damn it! Why am I being like this?_

"Whatever, I'm going and unless you apologize to Hermione and me. I won't be coming back."

The door slams shut and the echo rings in my ears.

"Please, come back. I need you. I love you," my voice trembles and the plead is only heard by me.

_What have I done?_

"ARRGH!" shouts echo throughout the room.

_Where are they coming from? Who's screaming? Are they alright?_

The hollering continues and there is still no sign of who is in pain. Then I realize that the one shouting is me.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE? I'VE RUINED EVERYTHING! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" My rage spreads through my veins, like poison. I grab my wand and press it down on the pale, unblemished skin of my right arm. Shaking, I slice my skin making a jagged line. Crimson regret* drips to the floor, staining the silver carpet. Sobs wrack my body and I cut again and again. I can't stop. Hell, I don't want to stop. Physical pain is better than the pain I am feeling about the absence of Harry. Eventually the tears stop and dry on my face. The blood still steadily drips from my arm.

_What happened to me? I used to be a proud, cocky, Death-Eater-in-training Malfoy. Now I'm an emotionally unstable bastard Malfoy. I can't believe this. What did I do to deserve this? I had an amazing boyfriend who loved me, I think__. T__hen I had to go and fuck it up. Fuck my life. Fuck it…I want this over. I want my life to be over. I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be my fathers son__. __I don't want to be anything besides dead, 'cause that's the only thing I'll be good at._

**Three hours later**

"Draco! Draco open up!" I can hear Pansy banging on my door in the distance. The shouting gets louder. I don't want to get up, no, I can't get up.

_I'm pathetic, laying here in a pool of my own blood. _

"Draco I swear to God open this door or I will blast it open!" Blaise bellows.

My door is rattling louder and louder. The pain is too much for me to bear, physically and emotionally. I just want all of this to end. It won't end until they leave.

_Why don't they leave me alone? Can't they just let me die in peace?_

"Draco!" another voice, one that I thought I would never hear again, joins in the chorus of shouting and banging. Something in my brain clicks.

_Harry!_

"Mm," it's getting harder for me to keep my eyes open, my breathing is shallow and my brain is getting fuzzy.

_This is it. I'm dying and no one can stop me. No longer will I be Draco Malfoy. No longer will I be the shame of the Malfoy family. Now I will be just a floating being, watching everything from a spectator__'__s point of view__;__ not being able to protect my loved ones. I'm falling off the edge, ** into an endless abyss of loneliness. _

Another click in my brain and I realize that now is not my time to die.

_Why was I being so stupid and selfish? I can't die now. I haven't done anything besides be an asshole to everyone. _

At this point I don't think I can say anything. I try to move but it hurts too much. I remember the one thing the You-Know-Who taught me that is actually useful, Legimency. I look for the presence of his mind. Finally I find it and luckily it is wide open.

_Harry, help me. I'm in trouble. The door is unlocked. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. _

_**What? Draco is that you?**_

_Yes, now would you please open the damn door before it's too late. _

_**What? What's going on in there? Drake are you okay?**_

Then everything goes black.

_So this is what it's like to be dead. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. At least all the pain is gone. If I'm dead then why can I still feel my body? I thought that dead people, except for ghosts, can't think or feel their bodies. This is odd. Where am I?_

My consciousness fades.

_What the fuck? Why do I keep falling in and out of blackness? Am I dead or not? I really would like to know. I can defiantly feel my body now; it's not just my imagination. I'm not in pain anymore, but that doesn't mean that I'm not hurt. So what is going on? Am I in the infirmary or St. Mungos? What does Harry think of all of this? Does he think that I'm not worth his time? I bet he thinks I'm a__ melodramatic little sissy who is not worth the trouble.***__ I really hope he doesn't leave, but if he does…I'll understand. _

**A Few Hours Later**

"Mmm…" I blink and open my eyes. Sunshine floods the room and I have to close them again. Slowly I re-open them and take in my surroundings.

_So I'm not dead. This is a good sign._

Someone is curled in a chair at the foot of the bed sound asleep. A blanket is covering their face so I can't tell who it is. Rolling over I see that Dumbledore is sitting on the other side of my bed.

"Ah! Mister Malfoy it's good to see that you are awake. You had quite the incident," he smiles good naturedly. "It's good that Mister Potter and Zabini and Miss Parkinson found you when they did. You almost died."

I don't know what to say to that, so I just blink and nod.

"Harry has been here as much as he can," the professor points to the sleeping figure at the end of my bed. "It's nice to see that you two have formed such a close bond even though the two of you are quite different."

"Yeah," I say, my voice is scratchy and it hurts to talk. "Can I have some water?"

"Here you are," he hands me a goblet and watches me while I drink greedily from it.

"How long have I been in the Hospital Wing, Professor?"

"Four days. You knew what you were doing when you…." his voice trails off and looks at my arms.

For the first time I look at my body. Everything seems to be intact, except my arms. Both of my forearms are wrapped in white bandages.

_Oh shit! Whoever wrapped my arms must have seen…it._

"Who wrapped my arms?" a sense of urgency is in my voice.

"Not to worry, Draco, Harry has informed me of your situation in the utmost confidence and I made sure that no one saw your tattoo."

I let out the breath that I had apparently been holding.

"Thank you so much, sir."

"Don't thank me. Thank Mister Potter. Now if you don't mind I must go inform Madam Pomfrey that you are awake," he smiled again and then left the room.

Just as the hem of his robes disappeared from sight Harry starts to stir. My heart begins to beat faster when his eyes open and fall on me.

**To be continued…for sure!**

*** 'crimson regret' is a line from one of my favorite songs 'Tourniquet' by Evanescence; I thought it worked well though so I used it. No copyright intended! **

**** 'I'm falling off the edge' is another line from a song called 'Off The Edge' by my new favorite band, Another Step Further**

*****Thanks to SecretlyinSlytherin for that amazing line…it fits perfectly.**

**Just to give you all approximately when this is happening according to Hermione's diary it's in between the 10****th**** and 11****th**** entry, from about February 6****th**** to the 12****th****. **

**Please Read and Review! Constructive criticism welcome! **

**-CM44-**


	11. Like You Do

**This is dedicated to my friend Erika. Even though she doesn't review and stuff I know she reads this! **

**Also thanks to: **

xxxShiRo**, **rawr52**, **MoonLightBlackFlame, **and **Golden Dragon Girl**for adding this to favorite story**

MoonLightBlackFlame** for adding me to author alert**

Mazie Lyne** and **Sasse1892** for adding this to story alert**

MoonLightBlackFlame**, **Maggie,ToWriteMudbloodOnHerArms, Golden Dragon Girl, **and **Sasse1892 **for reviewing**

**And to anyone else who did something and I forgot about it.**

**This took me an insane amount of time to write, almost three weeks. Stupid writers block. **

**Also I am so sorry this is late! Fanfiction was down for me for SEVEN DAYS! Anyway yeah on with the disclaimers...**

**If you see something you recognize, it's probably not mine. I only own…well nothing. **

**Beware: There is slash and swearing ahead. You have been warned…now enjoy! =D **

**Chapter 11: Like You Do**

**Harry's PoV**

I wake up from a dreamless sleep and see Draco staring at me. His grey eyes are back to normal, they don't look like the steely grey ones that bore holes in me at the beginning of the week.

"Harry," he croaks.

"Hey, Drake; it's so good to see you awake. I've missed you," I stand up and walk over to the head of his bed.

"I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I didn't mean to do it."

_To do what? To try and kill himself? To hurt me? To call Hermione a Mudblood? _

"It's okay," is all I can say.

"What's wrong?" he looks at with one eyebrow cocked to up, curious.

My heart starts to beat faster and I swallow.

_Should I tell him what's bothering me? No, I can't, not right after he__'s__woken__ up__._

"Nothing."

"I know it's something. You don't have to tell me now, though."

I smile weakly and kiss the top of his head.

"What have I missed?"

"Nothing extremely important, there is a Transfiguration exam in two weeks and Snape gave us a three-foot essay on the Wolfsbane Potion, its uses and where to find its ingredients."

"Sounds fun," Draco rolls his eyes and a smirk crosses his lips.

I want to just hold him and kiss him and tell him everything is going to be alright, but I know I can't do that. He's going through some terrible emotional issues right now and I don't want to make it worse.

"Oh yes. Sorry, love, but I have to go. I need to – uh think things over," I run my hand through my messy black hair, making it more disheveled

Draco sighs and takes my hand in his. His thumb caresses the top of mine in circles.

"Okay."

I lean down and press my lips to his for the first time in almost a week. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me on top of him.

"Mm…" I moan into the kiss when he licks my bottom lip. Straddling his hips I start to push the top of his hospital wing issued shirt up his chiseled abdomen.

"Excuse me Mister Potter, Mister Malfoy, but visiting hours are over," Madam Pomfrey bristles.

I pull up from the kiss and see her standing a few beds away, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly.

"Uh-right, sorry, Drake, see you tomorrow."

"Bye, I love you." he smiles sadly as I walk out of the Infirmary.

_He's so…different. I don't understand what is going on. Sometimes I swear I don't even know him. Maybe he needs time to figure things out? This is all moving so quickly I don't think either one of us __know__ what's really going on. Drake is just so impulsive that his actions don't sink in until he sees the consequences. _

I'm not paying any attention to where I'm walking, and quite honestly I don't care. I run into someone going the opposite direction.

"Sorry," I mumble, still lost in my own thoughts.

"Hullo Harry," Blaise says looking up from the book clutched in his hands.

I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone, so I just nod and continue to walk down the corridor.

_I feel like I should help Draco, but I don't know how. We may be together, but I know that he hasn't trusted me with all of his secrets. Maybe it's something to do with his parents. Maybe the duel with Hermione really upset him; he did start to change after that. Why all of a sudden am I so worried about him? Drake's a big boy, he can take care of himself. _

In the Common Room I can hear the whispers and feel the stares of everyone. Usually it doesn't bother me too much, but today it just pushes me over the edge.

"ENOUGH! You know I can hear all of you, right?" I look at each and every one of them. No one dares so meet my steely gaze. Without another word I stalk up to the dormitories. I jam my ear-buds into my ears and blast the loudest songs I can find:

"_THE BASS, THE ROCK, THE MIC, THE TREBLE! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK JUST LIKE MY METAL! I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO KNOCK ME UP! IN A MINUTE, MINUTE, IN A FUCKIN' MINUTE!"_

I let the music numb me as I sing along. Eventually I fall asleep, the angry lyrics echoing inside my head. Draco's angry face swims in my dreams. Every time I relive that moment it breaks my heart even more.

_What if Hermione is right? What if he and I are just _too_ different? I love him, but some times I can't be around him. He can get inside my head and…I'm talking crazy. I should be grateful that I have someone as amazing as__ Draco__. _

**The Next Day**

Drake got out of the Infirmary a few hours ago. Even though it's Monday we just hang out in the Slytherin Common Room. We are sharing the couch; my head in his arms, his fingers are winding and unwinding in my hair. It's completely silent, and not the good kind of silence either. This silence is the awkward kind where neither one of us want to talk about what happened over the weekend. "Harry?"

"Hm?"

"Are you mad?"

_Am I mad? What kind of question is that? Of course I'm mad! The love of my life just attempted suicide! But it's not him that I'm mad at…it's me. It's my fault that he tried to kill himself. __Maybe i__f I hadn't been so…so… emotional, unstable, so…immature__…._

I smile weakly and shake my head, "No, I'm not mad."

"Well, there is something wrong, I know it."

I stand up and start pacing around the Common Room. I open my mouth several times and then shut it because I can't put my thoughts into words.

_How can I explain this to him? I'm not mad, not at him, not at anyone but myself. Yet I know that it's not my fault, but I feel completely responsible for him. I need him and I can't live without him, but sometimes he pisses me of__f__ so much. Fucking hell…I'm such a mess!_

"No, it's nothing you need to worry about, love."

I walk over to him and kiss him lightly on the mouth. He pulls away and looks me in the eyes.

"Harry, why are you acting like this? You are so different. Is it because of what I did?"

"Damn it Draco! I'm fine; I don't need you to mother me! If anyone needs mothering, it's you."

"Oh yeah; if you're so fine why does it look like you are about to burst into tears," his eyes are boring into me, trying to find some weakness.

"You want to know the truth?"

The blood in my veins is pounding and I can feel my bottled up emotions about ready to burst.

_Stay calm, breathe. Don't say anything you are going to regret later. Just tell him the truth, but sugar coat it…he's still so fragile. What the hell__, __Draco Malfoy, fragile? What am I talking about, he's never been fragile!_

"Here's the truth. I'm so tired of having to always constantly worrying about whether or not you are going to be okay the next time I see you. I love you with all my heart, I really do, but I just can't take the stress of not knowing if you will be the same Draco I fell in love with the next time I see you," I look over at him and see a retort is forming on his lips. I start talking again before I get off track. "If this relationship is going to continue to be like this I'm backing out. I don't want any part of this."

**I am quite proud of this, even though it's not my best work. Writers block is a bitch, but I got through it and produced this baby(lame I know…). **

**Thanks Erika for helping me during class with this!**

**The next chapter should be up soon-ish.**

**Happy Reviewing!**

**-CM44-**


	12. Your Call

**Wow, this took a lot less time to write. Only a few days. XP**

**Anything you recognize is not mine.**

**Swearing and Slash is very obvious in this fic. If you are offended by it, then don't read.**

**Chapter 12: ****Your**** Call **

**Draco's PoV**

Thoughts are crashing around in my head. I can't think, can't breathe, I can't even string a response together.

"Draco? Are you even listening to me?" his voice is sad and hurt. This is obviously hurting him as much as it hurts me.

"Uh-huh," is all I can manage to say.

I feel a burning in the back of my throat. The tears are about to pour from my eyes. He is standing in front of me with his arms crossed, "Harry, why are you shutting down on me? I know you aren't this cold."

"No, Draco, that's the problem. You don't know _anything_ about me except what you have heard from other people. You don't know the first thing about me."

"Well then give me a chance to learn! Tell me what you want me to know. I'm willing to do anything, just stay with me," I'm practically down on my knees begging for him not to leave me.

"Stop it! You are making this harder than it needs to be, on both of us," he turns away and starts toward the door.

I won't let him see me this weak ever again. I put on the mask I wore around him all those long years before this, "Damn it, Potter. You are being so difficult about this! I don't understand why every single fucking time something goes wrong you bail! You just get up and leave everything. Why are you so scared? What happened in the past that made you afraid to just stay with something until the end? You – just – I – ugh – AH!" I scream in frustration and turn to the nearest wall. My knuckles collide with it and I hear the bones crack, but I don't feel the blood trickle down my hand or the pain I know should be coursing through my arm. The anger inside of me is so strong it numbs my entire body.

"I do not run away from everything when it gets hard. If anyone does it's you! All you do is run away. You ran away from your family because you couldn't stand disappointing your father! You ran away from the Death Eaters because you couldn't live up to their expectations! You tried to run away from life when you fucked up! Goddamn it you are such a fucking hypocrite!" his green eyes are blazing with anger and hurt. I hit him hard in the balls metaphorically, and it hurt badly.

"Don't you dare bring up my Father or the Death Eaters! Both were a mistake and you know it!" my voice is shaking and I can barely keep my temper in check.

"Why shouldn't I? It's not like it's not true."

That's it, he crossed the line.

"Fuckyou and your stupid feelings! I don't care anymore. If you want to leave, go right ahead, the door is right there. I'm not going to stop you."

On the outside I want him to leave and I never want to see his smug face again, but on the inside I am begging him not to go.

_ Please don't leave me. I need you. I can't do this without you. Don't step out that door, stay here with me. We can work things out, we just need time. Please, Harry, please._

"Fine. This is goodbye then." he jerks his head in my direction and steps out the portrait hole without another word.

_ No, no! Not again. This can't be happening. I will not break down again. Last weekend was the last time I will ever show weakness again. _

"AHHHHH!" I shout with anger and kick the couch again and again; beating down on everything in my sight. Thank God the room is empty or else I would look like a mad man.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I be so stupid! Goddamn it! Why me? Haven't I suffered enough?_

For the umpteenth time in the past few days, my body shuts down and everything goes black.

**Later:**

"Draco? Draco are you okay?" Pansy is shaking my shoulders and taping my face lightly.

"Move, let me try."

I feel Blaise move over toward my body. I'm awake but I want to pretend to be passed out a little while longer.

"OI! Wake up!" his hand connects with my face with a _smack_ sound echoing through the room.

"OW! What the hell Blaise?" I pop up from where I'm lying and glare at him.

"Sorry, we just wanted to make sure you were still alive."

"Yeah, I am," my gaze lowers. "Just barely."

"What do you mean, just barely?" Pansy wraps her arms around me.

"He's gone," my voice is audible, but only just.

"Aw, Drake, baby, who's gone?"

Even though she already knows the answer I tell her anyway.

"Harry," the pain is too much for me too handle and tears start to form.

"What the hell happened between you two? One second you guys are fine, and now all of a sudden you are suicidal and he's MIA." Blaise is fuming. I can tell he feels just as betrayed as I do.

"I – don't know. It's entirely my fault. If I hadn't been so fucking needy…."

"Draco, this isn't your fault at all. If Potter can't love you at your worst, what makes you think he deserves you at your best?"

_That's my Pansy. She always knows what to say to make me feel better, at least for a little while._

Eventually they calm me down enough to coax me to the Great Hall for dinner.

"Draco? Are you going to be okay?" Pansy asks worriedly. She is such an amazing friend, always thinking about people she cares about first.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just need to find a seat not facing him."

"Are you sure 'cause I can go over there and make him leave."

_ Ha. Make him leave, that's a nice way of putting it. Put on a brave face, Draco, and act like nothing is wrong._

"No, it's fine. I have to get used to it sooner or later, and I'd rather it be sooner than later."

_ Everything will be fine. Just ignore him and everything will be fine._

How wrong could I be?

**Sorry this is a little shorter than usual. Hopefully the next chapter will be up next week or so. **

**Please Read and Review!**

**Love, **

**-CM44-**

**okay, so i just have something really important to say. As of right now I am taking a break from this story. I have a bunch of chapters written out but I'm not happy with them. Honestly I'm not really happy without this story at all at the moment. I feel like I've grown as a writer and this story hasn't really shown it at all. I'm putting this on hold for the moment. Sorry for anyone who actually is still reading this. =( I will eventually finish this I promise you! Bu…I'm taking a hiatus from this. Also I will be posting updates on my latest projects on my tumblr. **


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